Dark Passenger: Plunging into Darkness Again (#13)

The emotional stress from my life lately makes most of the normal portions difficult. In fact, I just fucked the hell out of a regular who always seems to milk a load out of me and it, alas, didn't happen. I know recovery comes after such a loss. But to be honest, it's mostly just that I'm fucking tired.

I felt some relief when I chatted with a friend who had lost his mother as well and his response made me feel like I wasn't so crazy. But with that comfort came dread.

"Did you have trouble with nightmares?" I inquired.

No hesitation. He snapped, "Yes." I suddenly felt relief. Maybe I'm not as bonkers as I thought. But eventually, we got around to the really important question.

I asked, "How long do they last?"

"Oh," he said with a pause, "About a year."

I quickly followed up: "So you are telling me that I've got at least another 11 months where I get a good night's sleep maybe once or twice a week?"

With all seriousness, he responded: "If that."

Fuck.

Alas, it is 3:30 a.m. Eastern as I write this little entry. And I figure since I'm going to be spending so much time awake and so little capability to finish off a good fuck, I might as well return to the Dark Passengers.

Most interesting of all, this is the time when the darkness does return to my sex life. These events of monumental proportions require me to find the next stage of my development.

As I'd explored earlier, my molestation really pushed me into being the top I am -- or at least, that's my current operating theory as we plunge a little deeper. Now I want to take my sexuality to a very dark place.

Leather.

A relationship of almost eight years had ended and I went a little wild. Understandably I think considering my former partner lived on the second floor of the house and, without a respectable mourning period, was fucking two different guys AT THE SAME TIME. Yes, he had some sort of polyamorous thing going on (and it gets weirder as one of the guys married a lesbian in order to have kids; she had a lover too, so it was this weird five-way kind of thing).

I fucked anything that moved.

But at the time, I wanted a "relationship" where, for once, I had control. I got to choose the path and the other person was entirely beholden to me. Interestingly enough, the Leather community offered an answer.

So, that's where we're headed next. Brace yourself. For some of you, it's not too shocking. For the rest... well... exits are located at the front and rear of the aircraft and over the wings. Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device.